I have a confession . . . I am super intimidated by the thought of my doing a marathon in 18 weeks.  I’ve planned, I’ve done the reading and the research, I registered and I built a training program.  All of that was the easy stuff now I have to actually DO it.  Starting next week????  Oh goodness.

Yesterday, I wanted to go for a run at 530 PM and I just kept putting it off for other things.  I was thinking about it and I kept telling myself I need to go.  Finally at 1230 AM I said, “Let’s just do it.”  I told myself that I would walk to the paved trail and run 10mins out and 10mins back.  As I was walking I was thinking specifically about everything that’s got me worried. 

The biggest issue besides what I’m sure is normal self-doubt is that I have a lot of events going on these last few months.  I have a 12 miler scheduled for the same week that I move back to the states.  I’m going on a trip to England with my family and I won’t be back home until 4 days before the race.  Both trips mean serious jet lag and time differences.  I’m really worried about what that’ll do to my training.  I’m also worried about not being prepared enough.  This is about where I start wondering if I should do it at all and the worst part is that I haven’t even started! 

Wanna know something silly though?  I didn’t start feeling better on my run until Shakira’s “Give it up to Me” started playing.  Trust me, I realize the subject matter of the song is not exactly running . . . Winking smile  However, the words

“You can have it all, anything you want you can make it yours, anything you want in the world”

They just kinda said something to me.  The whole “you can do whatever you set your mind to” is pretty cliché but it rang true to me today. This marathon is going to require A LOT of dedication and REALLY HARD WORK.  However, as long as I train smart, listen to my body and stay consistent then I’ll be able to get through this race just fine.  Those trips are still worrisome but I’m sure it’ll just take a lot of pre-planning to get over the jetlag and find places to run.  It could be fun exploring some of England on foot actually.

And then as soon as I decided all of that, I ran 35 mins instead of 20  Smile  Thanks Shakira  Flirt female

Do you struggle with self-sabotage?  Once you realize it’s happening, how do you gain your confidence back?

I received some very kind words and encouragement from The Vitamin Bee and Hungry Runner Girl this week. Thanks ladies! Ya’ll are awesome! I may or may not have saved their little emails to read more than once just because I have a feeling that confidence is something I’m going to be struggling with the next few months.


7 thoughts on “Self-Sabotage

  1. I ran my first marathon last December, and I think that self doubt is pretty par for the course during training. Especially at the beginning! I wasn’t nearly as busy as you are, but I think you’ll be just fine. Trust your trianing plan! Good luck!*

    • Thanks so much for the encouragement Amy! That’s awesome that you got your marathon! Will you be doing another or was the experience completely dreadful? I’m sure it’s just newbie nerves at play and I’m def just going to stick to the plan and listen to my body. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

      • There were certain parts of the race where I felt like a zombie, but I wouldn’t say taht it was completely dreadful. I’d definitely do it again! I’m just waiting for the weather to get a un-blazing before I start training. I’ll probably do a full sometime in the spring.*

  2. I think everyone comes face to face with self doubt at the beginning of a huge adventure. I haven’t done a FULL marathon, just a half – but just keep to your schedule and with the support of friends/family you’ll be amazing!

    • You didn’t JUST do a half! You ran 13 miles 😀 I ran my first half last November and it was the farthest I’d ever run in my life! So basically you’re awesome! Thanks so much for the encouragement. I’m sure once I get into the plan that I’ll be able to focus. Right now the idea of doing it is just so daunting.

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